Well Said.

Snorting Tequila in NYC

La Contessa

One of my very first pictures from my first Burning Man in 2003 is of me and several friends posing in front of La Contessa, one of the most creative art cars ever to come to the playa. The La Contessa was built by a group of burners from San Francisco- members and friends of the Extra Action Marching Band. Essentially, she was a Spanish Galliard built upon a school bus and adorned by a figurehead at the front of the ship. Inside, it was a picture of luxury: opulent, with a fancy bar, gilded frames, velvet trim — a cross between a fancy bordello and a captain's stateroom. At night, La Contessa would "sail" around the playa, full of costumed partiers, with Extra Action Marching Band drumming, playing, and dancing. La Contessa was driven by the "blind" captain who needed someone on deck with a walkie talkie to help steer the ship. It was bulky and hard to maneuver. Because of its ginormous size, La Contessa did not return to San Francisco after each Burning Man in the Nevada desert. It was simply too large and difficult to disassemble. In 2003, Joan Grant, a local land owner near the Burning Man site, welcomed La Contessa onto her land to spend the 51, non-Burning Man weeks of the year. At Burning Man 2004, La Contessa was banned from the playa for speeding and other generally unsafe activity.

Rewind to early 2003...

I was living in Houston, Texas. My good friend, Nick, invited me along on a trip to Austin to see a show: the Extra Action Marching Band. I hadn't heard of them before, but Nick convinced me that it was worth driving all the way to Austin to see them. At the time, I was unaware that Extra Action and La Contessa were connected at all. The show was awesome, but short. Imagine a marching band... on heroine. They spread out across the club, intermixed with the crowd, half-naked women danced, and there was quite a tribal or ritualistic atmosphere to their performance. We were talking to some of the band members after the show, and they said they were going to "storm" Emo's (a club further down 6th St) at 2am. Cool! We went out barhopping, and at 2am we headed to Emo's, but there was no Extra Action Marching Band in sight. Damn! What happened? Disheartened, we started to think about going home. The bars were closing, and there was nothing left to do. Just then, we heard the sound of drums. We walked over to see Extra Action starting to play far down an alley. We ran down, we were the first people there. The band played and we danced and frolicked. As other people were leaving the bars, they also were drawn down this alley, and soon there was a huge crowd of people crammed into this alley. Somehow, Robin and I ended up in the middle a circle of band members. We danced as a girl masturbated on top of a dumpster behind us. A memorable experience, to say the least.

Fast Foward to Burning Man 2004...

I searched for La Contessa and Extra Action Marching Band. Somehow, I managed to keep missing them. This was the most exclusive ride in town... aboard the La Contessa with Extra Action. Early one evening, just as the festivities were getting started, I heard the sound of drums coming from a neighboring camp. Extra Action! I jumped onto my playa bike, and rode after the sound. Again, I couldn't find them!! Frustrated from yet another failed attempt, I return to my camp and continued to get ready for my evening out on the town. The next morning, my friend Jim came to me with a horrible story. Just after I had left to go out for the night, Jim ran into Extra Action board La Contessa. he told them how there was this crazy girl from his camp that had been looking for them all week. They told Jim to quickly go find me, and I would be invited to sail with them that night. Jim came back to camp to find me, but I had already left. What heartbreak?! Shortly after that night, La Contessa was permantly docked and was not allowed to sail at Burning Man for safety violations. I had missed my chance.

Fast Foward to Summer 2006...

La Contessa rested on Joan Grant's land, and was looted. The sculpture that had adorned the front of the ship was packed away inside the hull, and was stolen. It is rumored that a picture of the sculpture was spotted on Tribe.net before people knew it had been stolen, and it still has not been recovered. San Francisco artist, Monica Maduro, asks that the sculpture be returned... no questions asked because it is the last remaining piece of La Contessa.

Joan Grant sold her land to her neighbor and local real estate tycoon, Mike Stewart; although she retained a lifelong lease of her ranch home, a provision she believed also applied to the art pieces she stored within sight of her home. Stewart is one of the biggest property owners in the region. In addition to possessing land and water rights that would be lucrative in any development project, he owns Orient Farms, Empire Farms, and a four-megawatt geothermal power plant.Stewart did not share the same passion for the Burning Man festival as Grant. In fact, Stewart led a legal and regulatory battle against Burning Man in 2003, trying unsuccessfully to shut down the Ranch and thus kill the event.

On December 5, 2006, without informing anyone of his intent, Stewart set fire to La Contessa and had the charred remains hauled away.

"My understanding was it was OK to park it there. But I guess he had it burned down," Grant told the SF Bay Guardian. "As far as I'm concerned, it was arson."

Burning Man spokesperson Marian Goodell said that Stewart never contacted the organization to request removal of La Contessa, and that if he had, it would have facilitated the piece's removal from the property. "We were surprised to hear about the fire, absolutely shocked," Goodell said.

Many people in the immediate area, including local residents and Burning Man organizers, find it hard to believe that Stewart's actions were not malicious in nature. A legal battle is ongoing, but it appears that there will not be criminal charges brought against Stewart.

In February 2007, Extra Action Marching Band and others from the San Francisco community held a viking funeral for La Contessa. Hundreds came to pay their respects and say their final goodbyes to this wonderful piece of Burning Man history.

Krypton Katy and Liquid Lauren Go To Marblehead

It twas a hot, stick, dirty day at Mad Science. After a long day of packing and moving boxes (and several spider bites), we were feeling pretty darn yucky.

"I want to go to the beach after work and go swimming." Liquid Lauren said.

"Wow!! That's an AWESOME idea!" Krypton Katy replied.

"You want to come?" asked Liquid Lauren. Krypton Katy paused and thought. Anything going on after work? Anything I have to do?

"Hell yeah! I'm in!" exclaimed Krypton Katy.

We had some logistical things to figure out, but by the time 4:30pm came along, we had everything set. Lauren already had her bathing suit in the car, but mine was at my house. She followed from Belmont down to Jamaica Plain where I quickly got changed into my bathing suit. By the time we hit the road for Marblehead, it was close to 5:30pm. We realized quickly, that the air temperature had majorly cooled down since we originally decided to go to the beach, but we came up with a great solution. We "hotboxed" the car. No no no, you degenerate! Not that kind of hotboxing. We kept the windows up, the air off, and we turned the Volvo into a sauna. We were sweating in there before too long!

The traffic on I-93 was the pits. Red brake lights as far as we could see.

"These poor people," Liquid Lauren said. "They're not driving off to do something cool like us. They're probably doing something boring... like going home from work." Eventually, we cleared the highway traffic only to get stuck in the quagmire that is the town of Salem.



Then we saw something amazing. Right there in Salem was... and I kid you not... "Bunghole Liquors". Bunghole Liquors????? Think about it... Bunghole, of course, is obvious enough. But the "liquor" part? Get the pun? Yeah, it took Lauren a moment, too. It made me think of Stephanie Miller's references to "Beaver Liquors" in Beaver Dam, Wisconsin. They must make a killing on t-shirt sales.

Anyway... we FINALLY made it to the beach in Marblehead (after 1 1/2 hours in the car). It was overcast, foggy, and 60 degrees, but we were NOT going to concede defeat! No way! We're fucking Liquid Lauren and Krypton Katy, damn it?!

We quickly stripped off our clothing, ran as fast as we could into the ocean, dunked our heads under the salty sea water, and got right the fuck out.

What a moment?! What a glorious moment?! Life doesn't get much better or more satisfying than that.

With wide smiles on our faces, we returned to Jamaica Plain. We kept chattering back and forth about how we could improve our after work beach trips in the future.

"I'm going to keep my bathing suit and a towel in my car all the time now." I said. "I'll drive next time."

Happy Aphelion!!!

You learned it in school, astronomers say it all the time, it's The Truth: "Earth circles the Sun." Well... almost.

Earth does go around the Sun, but not in a circle. Earth's orbit is an ellipse, a lopsided curve with one end closer to the Sun than the other. On July 7, 2007, our planet is at the distant end--a point astronomers call "aphelion." This puts us farther from the Sun than we are at any other time of year. All planets in our solar system travel around the Sun in elliptical orbits. It's Kepler's 1st Law. The eccentricity of Earth's orbit is 1.7%. In January when we're closest to the Sun (perihelion), the distance is 147.5 million km. In July we're 152.6 million km away--a five million kilometer difference.

A distant sun means less sunlight for our planet. Averaged over the globe, sunlight falling on Earth at aphelion is about 7% less intense than it is at perihelion.

Then why is it so warm outside?

Seasonal weather patterns are shaped primarily by the 23.5 degree tilt of our planet's spin axis, not by aphelion or perihelion. During northern summer the north pole is tilted toward the Sun. The Sun climbs high in the sky, and days are long. That's what makes July so hot.
But there's more to the story: the average temperature of the whole earth at aphelion is about 4 degrees higher than it is at perihelion. Our planet is actually warmer when we're farther from the Sun. Strange but true.

This happens because continents and oceans aren't distributed evenly around the globe. There's more land in the northern hemisphere and more water in the south. During the month of July the land-crowded northern half of our planet is tilted toward the Sun. Earth's temperature is slightly higher in July because the Sun is shining down on all that land, which heats up rather easily.

Physicists would say that continents have low heat capacity. Consider the desert. At night the desert is cold, perhaps only 60 F. When the Sun rises in the morning the temperature might jump to 100 F or more." Such mercurial behavior is characteristic of materials like rocks and soil with low heat capacity. It doesn't take much sunlight to substantially elevate their temperature.
Water is different. It has high heat capacity. Let's say you went sailing off Malibu Beach at noon. The offshore temperature might be 75 F -- pretty pleasant! What happens after sunset? The temperature drops, but only a few degrees because the heat capacity of the ocean is so high.
All this explains why July is our planet's warmest month: Northern continents baked by the aphelion Sun elevate the average temperature of the entire globe. January, on the other hand, is the coolest month because that's when our planet presents its water-dominated hemisphere to the Sun. We're closer to the Sun in January, but the extra sunlight gets spread throughout the oceans. Southern summer in January (perihelion) is therefore cooler than northern summer in July (aphelion).

If you're feeling baked, take a hint from the watery southern hemisphere. Locate the nearest swimming pool and dive in; feel the water's high heat capacity. A little physics can be refreshing ....

yuk yuk yuk...

Q: How does a banana answer the phone?

A: "Yellow?!"

Q: Why did the Italians lose the war?

A: Because they used ziti instead of shells!

Q: How do you stop a charging elephant?

A: You take away his credit cards!

Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?

A: Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?

A: No thanks. I'm stuffed.

Q: Why did the hotdog turn down the movie part?

A: Because the roll wasn't big enough!

Q: What do you call 400 bunnies hopping backwards together?

A: A receding hare line!

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?

A: To show the squirrel it was even possible!

Q: Why does the traffic light turn red?

A: You would turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street!

Q: Why did the man go out with a prune?

A: Because he couldn't find a date!

Q: What do you get when you cross a Grandma and an octopus?

A: I don't know, but it sure can play bingo!

Q: What did the tie say to the hat?

A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around.

Q: What did Snow White say as she waited for her photos to develop?

A: Someday my prints will come!

Q: What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?

A: Put it on my bill!

Q: What did Winnnie the Pooh say to his agent?

A: SHOW ME THE HONEEEEEEYYYY!!!!

Q: Why is it easy for little yellow chicks to talk?

A: Because talk is cheep!

Q: What happens to frogs when they park illegally?

A: They get toad.

Q: How was the Roman Empire Cut in half?

A: With a pair of Caesars!

Q: Who was bigger? Mr. Bigger or his son?

A: His son. (He was a little bigger!)

A lady, carrying her baby, got on a bus one day. The bus driver looked at the lady, and then her baby, and then yelled, "AHHH! That's the UGLIEST baby I have ever seen! YUCK!" The woman, completely shocked, stomped to the back of the bus and sat down. A man sitting nearby noticed that the woman was shaken up. "Excuse me, miss. Are you okay?" he asked. "No! I am not! That horrible bus driver just completely insulted me!" The man replied, "Well that's just not right. I think you should march back up to the front of the bus and give that bus driver a piece of your mind. I can watch your monkey for you."

Q: Why was the broom late for broom school?

A: Because he over swept!

Q: What kinds of ant is good at math?

A: An account-Ant!

Q: What goes zzub zzub zzub?

A: A bee flying backwards.

Q: Why did the snail paint a big "S" on the side of his car?

A: So people would see him drive by and say, "Look at that S car go!"

Two atoms were walking down the street together one day, having a jolly ol' time, when they accidentally bumped into each other. "Stop!" yelled one of the atoms. "Hold everything! I've lost an electron!" the second atom said, "Are you sure you lost it?" The first atom replied, "Yes! I'm positive!"

Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a skin doctor?

A: A pacadermatologist!

Q: How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?

A: Your nose is pressed up against the ceiling!

Q: Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?

A: Because it makes people break out!

Q: What did the mama cookie say when her baby got run over?

A: Oh crumbs.

A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other nostril, and a string bean stuck in her ear. She says to the doctor, "I don't feel so good, Doctor!" The doctor replies, "The problem is clear to me! You're not eating right!"

Q: How do bees get around the city?

A: They take the buzz.

Q: Why was the bee's hair sticky?

A: Because he used a honey comb!

Q: What do you get when you cross poison ivy and a four-leaf clover?

A: A rash of good luck.

Q: Why did Cinderella get cut from the basketball team?

A: Because she ran away from the ball!

Eyes on the Sky: I saw the coolest thing last night!

The weatherman told me yesterday afternoon to look up at 9:21pm last night because the International Space Station would be floating right past the moon. I actually forgot about it until 9:10pm when I looked up at the sky anyway (because I do that a lot), saw the moon, and rememebered the ISS was about to pass over. SO, I sat down and turned my eyes up towards the moon. At 9:20pm, I saw it pass right by the moon. To tell you the truth, it wasn't all that impressive... probably because I'm in Boston with lots of light pollution, and there were scattered clouds about.

Then, the really cool thing happened. I was sitting on my porch with my friend John a few minutes later. We were discussing the space station and how long it might take it to orbit the earth. I looked up, and saw what I thought was the space station or some other satilite. I pointed it out to John, and right at that moment, it lit up very brightly for a few seconds!

John and I were perplexed for a few moments. Then it hit us. That was the space shuttle Atlantis!!! I knew that it had been docked with the ISS until Tuesday night when it left to begin its re-orbit in preparation for landing on Thursday. The brightening we saw was one of the re-orbit burns. The shuttle must decrease its speed as it prepares to land (while docked with the ISS, they are orbiting at a speed of 5 miles per second!). What an unexpected treat!!

LEGO Hollywood!

These are AMAZING!



LEGO Monty Python


LEGO Titanic Part 1


LEGO Titanic Part 2

I'm an astronomy geek.

Many nights, my eyes are on the skies. I've learned a lot about very nifty space phenomena... stuff I had never heard of before. Thought y'all might think it's cool, too!

Noctilucent Clouds (NLCs)

They hover on the edge of space. Thin, wispy clouds, glowing electric blue. Some scientists think they're seeded by space dust. Others suspect they're a telltale sign of global warming.
They're called noctilucent or "night-shining" clouds (NLCs). And whatever causes them, they're lovely. Noctilucent clouds are a relatively new phenomenon. They were first seen in 1885 about two years after the powerful eruption of Krakatoa hurled plumes of volcanic ash as much as 80 km high in Earth's atmosphere. One reason for the recent spread of noctilucent clouds might be global warming. Extreme cold is required to form ice in a dry environment like the mesosphere. Ironically, global warming helps. While greenhouse gases warm Earth's surface, they actually lower temperatures in the high atmosphere. NLCs were first spotted during the Industrial Revolution--a time of rising greenhouse gas production. They are most often spotted at higher latitudes.

The Names Have Been Changed To Protect HUGH BITCHES

Hi XXX,

I would like to give you my honest opinion of the party we had on Saturday so maybe it can be improved in the future. I really really wanted to like it, but it lacked real creativity. The only times the boys laughed were when the scientist dropped some of the products on the floor and a fly got caught in the putty she was making - 6 year old boy humor. They also like fart humor. Perhaps you could work some of that into the presentation as well. I actually made a comment that she could dropped as much shit as she wanted if that got the boys to laugh. Unfortunately, it only happened twice. We weren't looking for a ton of laughs, but if she hadn't made errors not a chuckle would have been heard! Not many wows either. The balloon experiment and fire experiment were the only real winners. Everyone has the soda bottles with colored liquid in their preschool classrooms and some of the mom's have even made them at home. Couldn't you have found something more exciting to do? The whole thing lasted 45 minutes, maybe less since it takes a few minutes to get the boys together.

It was a drop off party and only two mom's stayed for the scientist - we were laughing at how 'not so entertaining it was'. She seemed annoyed that we were standing in the back laughing at her, but she's an entertainer. She should be able to deal with heckling. The boys seemed to like it, but weren't overly excited. This target audience can get wowed very easily and this party didn't seem to bring out too much enthusiasm. More explosions? Parents have since asked me if this would be a good party to have for their child (who isn't thrilled to have a science party). I can honestly say I would not recommend this particular science party. I am being very honest because you would never be aware of this if you didn't get feedback from people like me.

Thanks again for all the work you did for us. We will probably never use you again.

Best Regards,
YYY
----

Dear YYY,

You are a bitch. I would prefer to call you a "big fucking C-word", but I think that might be too inappropriate. It's too bad we live in a society where just about ANYONE is allowed to have children if they so choose. If I ruled the universe, I would institute a policy where couples must apply for licenses to have children. I would personally make sure that you never received one. If parents were found to be big fucking assholes like this, their licenses would be revoked and their children taken away. Perhaps a hefty fine as well? I would also like to see jail time for such offenses, but I gotta be realistic.

I am amused by your comment that your "really really wanted to like it". I get the impression that you're a sour, unhappy bitch who is trapped in a loveless marriage and have shit-eating spoiled children. I can understand that you're reaching out for things in life to make you happy because you are so utterly UNHAPPY. I can't help but feel sorry for you. You know what you need? You need a coke habit. It's done wonders for me. I've never been happier in my whole life. You should also try whoring yourself out. It sounds like you need a regular pounding. I get that myself, but thankfully, I don't have to whore myself out to get it. But hey, you gotta do what you gotta do.

Thanks again for choosing XXX XXXXXXX.
XXX

How to fix ANY computer problem in 1 min 14 sec

My instructional video on how to fix ALL computer problems... all in 1 minute and 14 seconds. I hope it helps!

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Creamy Crack Recipe

I realize posting this recipe may make my personal popularity index go down. Fuck it. Creamy Crack should be FREE and for the people.

The story behind Creamy Crack: I used to live in Houston, and I frequented "Chuy's" Tex-Mex restaurant at least twice a month (usually more). Along with the two wicked awesome salsas served with fresh tortilla chips before the meal, you could also (if you were "in-the-know" like me) order free-of-charge their Creamy Jalapeno dip. I fell in love. I've never loved something quite like this before.

When I moved from Houston back to Boston, I knew I couldn't live without it. My dad and spent a summer experimenting with and developing our very own version on this addictive yummy "Creamy Crack". I have no idea if it's remotely the same as the original any more- it's been so long since I've had a steak burrito with creamy jalapeno at Chuy's! *sniffle sniffle* But who cares? My recipe ROCKS!

Enjoy (or loathe because you just can't enough to fulfill your cravings)!!

Katy's Creamy Crack!

3-4 whole jalapeno peppers
2-3 cloves of garlic
juice of 1 lime
1 cup Milk
1 cup Mayonnaise
1 packet Ranch dressing/dip mix
Black pepper to taste

In the blender, chop peppers, garlic, lime juice. Add milk and mayo and blend to a creamy texture. If the mixture seems thin, don't add mayo to thicken it. Add in ranch mix and pepper to taste. Allow Creamy Crack to chill in the refrigerator for at least 30 minutes. It should thicken up a little.

Creamy Crack is especially good for dip, on sandwiches, on fajitas, and steaks. ¡Es sabroso en casi cualquier cosa!

Let me get this straight.

Let me get this straight. People are making a HUGE fucking deal out of Lindsay Lohan's 21st birthday? While we were in Vegas, we stopped by Ceasar's Palace and saw this gigantic sign up in front of "Pure", their nightclub. Check this out, the bitch is in REHAB right now, correct? Svedka Vodka is sponsoring this shindig, and they are saying it should be one of the best parties ever. Oh yeah, she is now a member of Alcoholics Anonymous, despite not yet being legally old enough to drink... well until July 2nd that is.

Here is an actual quote from Lindsay herself: “I’m going to milk it,” she said. “It’s a big birthday and I think it’s been a long time in coming for my friends in L.A. who have clubs … (soon they won’t) have to worry about getting in trouble because I’m underage.”

WTF? Can someone explain this to me please?

Back by popular demand!! Queen Bee Bitchings and Musings!

Haha! I had quite the response to yesterday's Queen Bee post. So, here it is. BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND! MORE QUEEN BEE RANTING!

I've come to the conclusion that Carol does not like Sam or I... mostly because we don't take her bullshit. We like to talk back to her, and she just can't handle it. We don't even do all that much; usually just little battles here and there. I get the impression that Carol isn't used to it. At all.

Call me mean, call me nasty, call me whatever you want. I will vent my frustrations here. It may seem like I'm being a bitch myself, and I'm sorry to appear that way, but trust me... put me up next to Carol, and I'm Dorothy from the Wizard of fucking Oz.

Sam and I were not invited out to a friend's birthday dinner tonight. This friend is VERY close to all of us. We were not even told about it until basically every one was leaving the house and after Sam and I ate leftovers from last night. Now, maybe there were circumstances we're not aware of... naaaawwww bullshit! We were not invited because Carol is a big vindictive bitch! I'm not starving to death, nor would I be all gung-ho about spending a lot of money on dinner tonight, but you know what I'm saying. It's the principal of the thing. This goes along with the theme of Carol's breaking of all social rules and regulations. When EVERYONE from a communal house is going out to dinner for a close friend's birthday dinner, EVERYONE should be invited, right? (Unless, of course, someone is obviously unavailable or something) So what gives?

Did you know I watched her drink salad dressing straight from the bottle one time?

And SHIT! You should have seen what she picked out to wear tonight. *YAK!!!* The funny part was that she kept changing and modelling outfits for her gay (I think) friend, and she ended up wearing what she did. Let's just say this: The shirt itself was wicked cute, but seeing it on Carol made me want to hurl so much that I would implode from the force of it. What the hell was the gay (again... I think) friend thinking?? Isn't he supposed to have an elevated sense of style? You know, fuck the whole gay friend thing, too. If you have two working eyes and the mental capacity of Corky from Life Goes On, you should say, "Bitch, you better take that off right this instant! In fact, take it off, go lock yourself in the closet, and don't come out until they've invented medicine to cure what is wrong with you!!"

She makes friendship bracelets. You know, the ones you made in 5th grade. Nuff said there.

Okay, I think I'm spent for the time being. I'm SURE I will have more for you very soon. In the mean time, leave me a fucking comment, you lazy bitches! I want to hear your input!

Kameko's Korner

NEW! Check out Kameko's Korner further down on the right. Kameko demanded that she get in on this blog thing. I didn't really want to inflate her ego any more, but if you've met Kameko, you KNOWit's impossible to say no to her in the end. Come on... just look at that face!

Chinchilla On My Cat

• I have a Stuff On My Cat page-a-day calendar on my desk at work. Today, there is a chinchilla on the cat.


• Mr. Wizard died. I couldn't really remember watching the show as a kid, but when I watched the show's intro on YouTube last night, I felt like I had seen it a million times! Check it out yourself: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6wv0wM8Ht2w


• Mad Science will be moving next month (knock on wood), and Lynne is getting us high-speed internet! It's like fucking Christmas! I've been here 2 1/2 years... all on dial-up. I know. You didn't think dial-up still existed, did you?


• I bought some sugar-free cookies at the grocery store today. How do they have 160 calories per serving with 1.5 grams of trans fat??? I am perplexed.


• My sister and I watched the series finale of the Sopranos yesterday. Anyone who is angry at the ending is severely retarded. You just don't get it, do you?


• Yuck, those cookies left a nasty aftertaste in my mouth!


• No seriously. I need a toothbrush.


• I am simutaneously playing Dope Wars right now. I've got about $90 million. I'm going to go blow it on a shit ton of cocaine, LSD, and special K.


• Okay, so I ended up spending $78 million on a new coat with more pockets to stash drugs. I'm getting into the big time drug dealing now.


• Enough randomness for now. I'm off to watch General Hospital. I sure hope Jason dumps Sam right on her ass! She sucks and she's annoying. If Jason and Liz get together, I would be psyched! I mean, Liz did just have Jason's baby, but Lucky thinks it's his because Lucky and Liz are married, and Liz didn't want Lucky to find out that it's really Jason's and have him go back to popping pills and hurting everyone around him! I wonder if he's impotant! Everyone has knocked up/been knocked up at least once on this show! I don't think Lucky ever has put a bun in anyone's oven!? Maybe he needs to go visit the Port Charles Fertility Clinic.

The Queen Bee

How do you help a friend with this problem: His girlfriend is a total and complete super-bitch, and he can't/won't get out of the relationship.

For the sake of anonymity, we'll call my friend "Frank". Frank has been in this relationship for a little over a year. Frank is a kind, funny person, but some might say he's a bit of a computer geek, too. Perhaps Frank wouldn't be voted the most eligible bachelor in Jamaica Plain, but I can see why some women would be attracted to him.

Frank's girlfriend, we'll call her "Carol", is... well... a rather nasty person (to put it nicely). When I first met her, she seemed like she wanted to be my best friend. She acted like she was interested in who I was and what I am all about. At that time, we were really just acquaintances. I would see her occasionally; at a party, etc. The first time we met, we actually discovered that we both knew a girl who went to her school (a former employee of mine). I didn't know it at the time, but what came out of Carol's mouth would turn out to completely define the kind of person she is. "Ooh!! I know that bitch! I can't stand her! I HATE HER GUTS!!!" Carol exclaimed... or at least... something to that effect.

A few months later, I started dating someone in Frank and Carol's circle of friends, and I of course started spending more time with this couple. At first, I was simply annoyed by Carol's immaturity. I witnessed her scream at Frank in front of several people at a party for no apparent reason. She also constantly made herself the center of attention, and ordered around Frank and many many other people. "Go get me a beer! NOW!"

Over time, however, I grew very tired of Carol's antics. It angered me to witness how she treated the people around her. I learned that she came from a wealthy family, and that explained a few things to me (spoiled brat syndrome). Then, I started talking back to Carol. For instance, at dinner one night, she ordered our friend to go get her a drink. I piped up, "Carol, why don't you go get it yourself?!" Everyone laughed and cheered. Carol's face turned red. I don't think she was very used to having someone, especially another female, speak to her like that.

Speaking of females, just the other night, there were several of us sitting around the dining room table, getting ready to play some cards, when Carol began telling everyone how she doesn't like or get along with other girls. I was the only other girl there. Don't get me wrong, I don't care or even necessarily want Carol to like me, but generally, social standards require for an exception to be made for present company! Of course that fired me up to get a couple of jabs in later in the evening at her expense.

It appears that she has some kind of territorial instinct against other females! She only feels secure if she's the Queen Bee and surrounded by obedient male drones (does the picture make sense now?). She must know that I am not a threat to steal Frank away from her. It must be apparent that my boyfriend and I are quite happy together. Even though I can be a little flirty from time to time (especially after a drink or two), I don't think I've ever come close to being flirty with Frank!

Another theory I have is that she may be jealous to see two people in a relationship in which they treat each other with respect. She doesn't understand it and can't manage it herself. Maybe that makes her a little mad.

Carol and my boyfriend frequently butt heads because he is a strong, compassionate, mature person but can also be confrontational when he feels he needs to be. The Queen Bee doesn't know how to handle a non-obedient drone!! I am always impressed by how he is able to stand his ground. If only Frank shared this characteristic.

I also believe that Frank has made one crucial mistake: he and Carol are moving in together (under a 12-month lease) at the end of the summer. She is living with Frank this summer at his apartment, but the big difference is they are currently not under a lease together. I think this will mean that Frank is definitely going to be stuck with this woman for AT LEAST another year. I can't see him growing the balls to A) break up with her or B) break up with her while living in this new apartment with her. As my boyfriend so eloquently puts it, "Her claws are in deep!".

Frank has no balls. You know it the moment you meet him. While he is a fun, nice guy, when you first meet him, he appears to be extremely shy and quiet. What do you do when you care for a friend who is stuck in a bad situation like this? We all know he won't do anything to help himself, and I certainly don't feel like it's mine and anyone else's place to chime in and talk to him about it because here's the big conundrum: What if he's perfectly happy being with someone like this? What if they're meant to be together? What if they are destined to spend the rest of their lives together? I know I know... it's rather unimaginable but anything is possible.

So what happens now?

I suppose we will all spend our summer biting our tongues; waiting for their departure to their new apartment. After that, perhaps we will not be seeing them so frequently. I will try to hope for the best for Frank. I tend to have faith in people... that they will eventually find the right people to surround themselves with and the right places to dwell, thrive and be happy.

Meh. Tuesday.

A listener of the Stephanie Miller show wrote a great jingle for the occassion of Scooter Libby's jail sentencing. Give me a buzz, and I'll sing it for you.

"Scooter Libby Libby Libby's going to jail. JAIL! JAIL!

He will take it take it take it in the tail. TAIL! TAIL!

Scooter Libby Libby Libby had some power. POWER! POWER!

Better hold onto the soap in the shower. SHOWER! SHOWER!"

The Commonwealth of Krypton Katy

"If it ain't Krypton, it's krap."

My new obsession is my country on nationstates.net. This week, I joined the UN, banned cars, legalized same-sex marriage, and instituted safety cameras in public areas. Everyday, I get one-two more issues to decide on, and they help shape my country. The description below changes daily as my policies are instituted. Check it out!

The Commonwealth of Krypton Katy is a large, environmentally stunning nation, remarkable for its burgeoning Calico Cat population. Its compassionate population of 23 million enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

It is difficult to tell where the omnipresent, liberal, socially-minded government stops and the rest of society begins, but it concentrates mainly on Public Transport, although Social Equality and the Environment are secondary priorities. The average income tax rate is 48%, but much higher for the wealthy. A tiny private sector is led by the Furniture Restoration industry, followed by Door-to-door Insurance Sales and Woodchip Exports.

Same-sex marriages are increasingly common, euthanasia is legal, the nation is ravaged by daily union strikes, and scientists regularly clone human beings for research purposes. Crime is relatively low. Krypton Katy's national animal is the Calico Cat, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests, and its currency is the Krypton.

Webkinz. A harmless toy or an evil Republican brainwashing scheme?

As a professional children’s entertainer, I am privy to all the latest fads and fashions of 5-12 year olds. Heeleys, Beanie Babies, pink backpacks, and more. The lastest fad (and it’s a BIG one) to catch my eye are “Webkinz”. They are stuffed toys with a code on their tag that enables children to log onto a website, care for their virtual pets, play games, and chat with other Webkinz owners.

On-line social networking for elementary school children? They should be socially-networking on the playground!

How about the fact that instead of reading, do crafts and hobbies, or spending time with family members, they are plopping themselves down in front of a computer and burning their retinas away!

The Webkinz phenomena is hindering the youth of America from developing social skills and destroying the cultural fabric of our future. Maybe an evil republican plot to steal away the identities of our children??? Quick! Help the children retain their individualism! Perhaps we also need to be concerned about subliminal advertising or social undertones about supporting the war or fearing homosexuals?! Children are sponges! Is anyone monitoring this site?

Sure, children should learn about the responsibilities that go along with owning a pet, but at what cost? I see a future of mindless former Webkinz children. Maybe they will be called, "Webdren" or "Webdrones" or "Childkinz". Millions of brainwashed sociopaths begetting millions more for the next generation.