La Contessa

One of my very first pictures from my first Burning Man in 2003 is of me and several friends posing in front of La Contessa, one of the most creative art cars ever to come to the playa. The La Contessa was built by a group of burners from San Francisco- members and friends of the Extra Action Marching Band. Essentially, she was a Spanish Galliard built upon a school bus and adorned by a figurehead at the front of the ship. Inside, it was a picture of luxury: opulent, with a fancy bar, gilded frames, velvet trim — a cross between a fancy bordello and a captain's stateroom. At night, La Contessa would "sail" around the playa, full of costumed partiers, with Extra Action Marching Band drumming, playing, and dancing. La Contessa was driven by the "blind" captain who needed someone on deck with a walkie talkie to help steer the ship. It was bulky and hard to maneuver. Because of its ginormous size, La Contessa did not return to San Francisco after each Burning Man in the Nevada desert. It was simply too large and difficult to disassemble. In 2003, Joan Grant, a local land owner near the Burning Man site, welcomed La Contessa onto her land to spend the 51, non-Burning Man weeks of the year. At Burning Man 2004, La Contessa was banned from the playa for speeding and other generally unsafe activity.

Rewind to early 2003...

I was living in Houston, Texas. My good friend, Nick, invited me along on a trip to Austin to see a show: the Extra Action Marching Band. I hadn't heard of them before, but Nick convinced me that it was worth driving all the way to Austin to see them. At the time, I was unaware that Extra Action and La Contessa were connected at all. The show was awesome, but short. Imagine a marching band... on heroine. They spread out across the club, intermixed with the crowd, half-naked women danced, and there was quite a tribal or ritualistic atmosphere to their performance. We were talking to some of the band members after the show, and they said they were going to "storm" Emo's (a club further down 6th St) at 2am. Cool! We went out barhopping, and at 2am we headed to Emo's, but there was no Extra Action Marching Band in sight. Damn! What happened? Disheartened, we started to think about going home. The bars were closing, and there was nothing left to do. Just then, we heard the sound of drums. We walked over to see Extra Action starting to play far down an alley. We ran down, we were the first people there. The band played and we danced and frolicked. As other people were leaving the bars, they also were drawn down this alley, and soon there was a huge crowd of people crammed into this alley. Somehow, Robin and I ended up in the middle a circle of band members. We danced as a girl masturbated on top of a dumpster behind us. A memorable experience, to say the least.

Fast Foward to Burning Man 2004...

I searched for La Contessa and Extra Action Marching Band. Somehow, I managed to keep missing them. This was the most exclusive ride in town... aboard the La Contessa with Extra Action. Early one evening, just as the festivities were getting started, I heard the sound of drums coming from a neighboring camp. Extra Action! I jumped onto my playa bike, and rode after the sound. Again, I couldn't find them!! Frustrated from yet another failed attempt, I return to my camp and continued to get ready for my evening out on the town. The next morning, my friend Jim came to me with a horrible story. Just after I had left to go out for the night, Jim ran into Extra Action board La Contessa. he told them how there was this crazy girl from his camp that had been looking for them all week. They told Jim to quickly go find me, and I would be invited to sail with them that night. Jim came back to camp to find me, but I had already left. What heartbreak?! Shortly after that night, La Contessa was permantly docked and was not allowed to sail at Burning Man for safety violations. I had missed my chance.

Fast Foward to Summer 2006...

La Contessa rested on Joan Grant's land, and was looted. The sculpture that had adorned the front of the ship was packed away inside the hull, and was stolen. It is rumored that a picture of the sculpture was spotted on Tribe.net before people knew it had been stolen, and it still has not been recovered. San Francisco artist, Monica Maduro, asks that the sculpture be returned... no questions asked because it is the last remaining piece of La Contessa.

Joan Grant sold her land to her neighbor and local real estate tycoon, Mike Stewart; although she retained a lifelong lease of her ranch home, a provision she believed also applied to the art pieces she stored within sight of her home. Stewart is one of the biggest property owners in the region. In addition to possessing land and water rights that would be lucrative in any development project, he owns Orient Farms, Empire Farms, and a four-megawatt geothermal power plant.Stewart did not share the same passion for the Burning Man festival as Grant. In fact, Stewart led a legal and regulatory battle against Burning Man in 2003, trying unsuccessfully to shut down the Ranch and thus kill the event.

On December 5, 2006, without informing anyone of his intent, Stewart set fire to La Contessa and had the charred remains hauled away.

"My understanding was it was OK to park it there. But I guess he had it burned down," Grant told the SF Bay Guardian. "As far as I'm concerned, it was arson."

Burning Man spokesperson Marian Goodell said that Stewart never contacted the organization to request removal of La Contessa, and that if he had, it would have facilitated the piece's removal from the property. "We were surprised to hear about the fire, absolutely shocked," Goodell said.

Many people in the immediate area, including local residents and Burning Man organizers, find it hard to believe that Stewart's actions were not malicious in nature. A legal battle is ongoing, but it appears that there will not be criminal charges brought against Stewart.

In February 2007, Extra Action Marching Band and others from the San Francisco community held a viking funeral for La Contessa. Hundreds came to pay their respects and say their final goodbyes to this wonderful piece of Burning Man history.