Q: How does a banana answer the phone?
A: "Yellow?!"
Q: Why did the Italians lose the war?
A: Because they used ziti instead of shells!
Q: How do you stop a charging elephant?
A: You take away his credit cards!
Q: Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
A: Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.
Q: What did the teddy bear say when he was offered dessert?
A: No thanks. I'm stuffed.
Q: Why did the hotdog turn down the movie part?
A: Because the roll wasn't big enough!
Q: What do you call 400 bunnies hopping backwards together?
A: A receding hare line!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show the squirrel it was even possible!
Q: Why does the traffic light turn red?
A: You would turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street!
Q: Why did the man go out with a prune?
A: Because he couldn't find a date!
Q: What do you get when you cross a Grandma and an octopus?
A: I don't know, but it sure can play bingo!
Q: What did the tie say to the hat?
A: You go on ahead. I'll hang around.
Q: What did Snow White say as she waited for her photos to develop?
A: Someday my prints will come!
Q: What did the duck say when she bought lipstick?
A: Put it on my bill!
Q: What did Winnnie the Pooh say to his agent?
A: SHOW ME THE HONEEEEEEYYYY!!!!
Q: Why is it easy for little yellow chicks to talk?
A: Because talk is cheep!
Q: What happens to frogs when they park illegally?
A: They get toad.
Q: How was the Roman Empire Cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!
Q: Who was bigger? Mr. Bigger or his son?
A: His son. (He was a little bigger!)
A lady, carrying her baby, got on a bus one day. The bus driver looked at the lady, and then her baby, and then yelled, "AHHH! That's the UGLIEST baby I have ever seen! YUCK!" The woman, completely shocked, stomped to the back of the bus and sat down. A man sitting nearby noticed that the woman was shaken up. "Excuse me, miss. Are you okay?" he asked. "No! I am not! That horrible bus driver just completely insulted me!" The man replied, "Well that's just not right. I think you should march back up to the front of the bus and give that bus driver a piece of your mind. I can watch your monkey for you."
Q: Why was the broom late for broom school?
A: Because he over swept!
Q: What kinds of ant is good at math?
A: An account-Ant!
Q: What goes zzub zzub zzub?
A: A bee flying backwards.
Q: Why did the snail paint a big "S" on the side of his car?
A: So people would see him drive by and say, "Look at that S car go!"
Two atoms were walking down the street together one day, having a jolly ol' time, when they accidentally bumped into each other. "Stop!" yelled one of the atoms. "Hold everything! I've lost an electron!" the second atom said, "Are you sure you lost it?" The first atom replied, "Yes! I'm positive!"
Q: What do you get when you cross and elephant with a skin doctor?
A: A pacadermatologist!
Q: How do you know if there's an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose is pressed up against the ceiling!
Q: Why don't they serve chocolate in prison?
A: Because it makes people break out!
Q: What did the mama cookie say when her baby got run over?
A: Oh crumbs.
A little girl goes to see the doctor. She's got a pea in one nostril, a grape in the other nostril, and a string bean stuck in her ear. She says to the doctor, "I don't feel so good, Doctor!" The doctor replies, "The problem is clear to me! You're not eating right!"
Q: How do bees get around the city?
A: They take the buzz.
Q: Why was the bee's hair sticky?
A: Because he used a honey comb!
Q: What do you get when you cross poison ivy and a four-leaf clover?
A: A rash of good luck.
Q: Why did Cinderella get cut from the basketball team?
A: Because she ran away from the ball!
2 comments:
Okay, I'll confess it took me about 2 minutes to get the prune one. =(
btw...COMMENTIZED, BIATCH!
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